Do YOU want a teenager who rebels? Who challenges your every word? Most of us expect this – it’s normal! Isn’t it?? Well, it doesn’t need to be....
Rebellion is a reaction to authoritarian rule – power & control - that a parent uses to get their child to do what THEY want them to do. The only time this might be of use, is if there was imminent danger that you needed to save your child from. Yet this is how we are treated in society, and this is how we learn to treat our children.
When children are treated with rapport and respect, and are modelled good communication skills where participation and value is the rule, there will be no reason for your child to kick over the traces at adolescence, as they will have already found out who THEY are and what THEY want from this amazing life that’s awaiting them.
These ‘new-age’ parents have already changed the control and power model and replaced with what we call in NLP “rapport” and “respect”. Rapport can be used at a very young age – as young as 2 or 3 years old. Instead of using force, bribery and coercion to get “acceptable” behaviour from your child, we can begin to listen to their needs, and create a partnership where we both learn from each other. For example, a 3 year old may refuse to eat a certain vegetable and the OLD SCHOOL parent forces it down his throat because it is “good” for him (they think). At this stage their 3 year old is using and relying on his intuition that is telling him that “my tummy gets sore if I eat this, so I won’t touch it”. This is over-ridden by the OLD SCHOOL parent (who coincidentally did not have his needs met when 3 years old) and he is forced to eat the vegetable so in time the child doesn’t listen to his own needs anymore, in fact eventually doesn’t recognise that he has needs of his own that are different from his caregivers’/parents.
Where is this leading? At adolescence when our hormones change and we begin to investigate for ourselves alternative ideas and beliefs, the teenager bought up with rapport and respect has no need to rebel as he has had the opportunity to develop independent ideas, beliefs and values since birth. He has an unconscious belief and value in who he is and where he is going in life.
Most of our children only reflect what WE as parents want for them! Not what is individual and healthy for them.
For further help or information book a Lifecoach appointment with Rosi to re-style your parenting skills.